He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
