and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
