Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
