He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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