I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
