Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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