Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
