Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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