Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
