I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
