It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
