it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
