You really coming over, don't trick.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
