I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
