she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
