Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I currently don't understand fingers.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
