idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
