Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
