This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
