i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
