his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
