Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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