i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
