you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
