i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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