how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
