1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
