In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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