if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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