is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
