I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
