Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
