sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
