awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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