good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
