Do you still have your period?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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