In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Enjoy the penises
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
