things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Floor bacon is actually really good
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
