oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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