I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
