tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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