you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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