HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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