David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
