He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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