omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
