So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
