Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
