**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
