Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
