I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
