Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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