We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
