Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
