I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
