i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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