I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
