Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
