the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
