Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I believe in your delicious
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
