I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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