still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
