i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
