Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I checked into jail on foursquare
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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