just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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