my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
