I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
