my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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