she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
